th red ones make me fly nd th blue ones help me fall. but now th rainn gna bring me home.
it was pouring heavily when i was on my way to school. i dragged my slippers in th flooded pathway, preventing pools of water from splashing onto me. no one was around while water sinked into my feet. i walked exdeptionally slow, as if those water were an enjoyment. i was enjoying th silence. no one was there, i only hear sound from th rainnfall. lessons starting. Gtg people...
What comes around get around. With all I want, Im treating you th same as how I want you to treat me. Becos thats th way life is. You need to put in before you get back. Dont stop putting in. Dont stop loving. Because you are losing out by holding back love.
it's not th first time i hear this, but it's not gna be th last time either. even so, each time i hear it, th level of pain did not differ. security. lol, it's like a ride on th roller coaster, everytime when it hits th downside, my heart sinks a lil inch deeper. i cant trust. im learning to trust, but it's not getting better at all. i convinced myself it does not matter now as i gna reap everything back with what i put it. because i care, alot still... BECAUSE I CARE.....
I was drained most of th time. But I pretty like this feeling.
I felt sucked out of my life at times. Especially during days when I fall sick and yet I cant stop working due to many deadlines. Hahaha, and Im 19 this year. Still at my teenage life. and th craziest things I'd done in my teenage life is to be with someone 4years old than me. This may seem nothing to many, but to me, it's one thing I would never expect.
But, th craziest thing that I'd done brought my world to a higher height.I felt on par with someone. On par, Im refering to my soul. At last, my soul is rescued.
Hello here. Here I am, with a glass of Bailey next to me, think about days I have. Hmmm, Now Im in th mood to blog, therefore, a warning beforehand: This gna be a real sentimental and heavy post.
Yes, Im procrastinating. Im halfway coding my survey, and right in came my bro with a glass of bailey (he opened before me) and asked me to finish it for him. He's really tired after his pula ubin trip.
Alcohol. Dont blame me for being a Alcoholic. I'd been drinking since I was 2. Before I even learn to talk properly. My dad used to be someone Im really proud of. Someone who used to drive me around wherever he goes. Since young, he's th closest people I'd. He never bears to let me go, for even one second. Im a fortunate child I know that, because I have really a nice pappi. I miss drinking with him, now he's forbiding me to drink because once I start, I cant stop, until I get really sleepy, I will lie flat on my bed. think of emotional stuff till th day break.
I miss eating lollipops. Those in weird shape especially, sometimes, lollipops doesnt need to be only in circle, but not soft lollipops! Ewww~ My favourite lollipop was lemon flavour Hahahha which is barely in sale anymore. I never seen any shops selling it already. I used to eat Icecream everyday. Because my grandfather would buy one for me whenever I was outside with me, alone. I miss my grandfather occassionally. I miss those lollipops and icecreams that are now impossible to find. Maybe that explains why I used to eat icecream when I have totally no appetite for any food. Well, Im refering to th tragic break up I have in secondary 3.
I miss all my dogs and pups. I used to have 14 dogs. yea, and I name 11 of theml. Weird names to be exact. Baby Nono Lucky Chunchun Dodo Bobo Yoyo DaTou XiaoBai Fatfat Deedee, and th 3 that pass away at birth. But I remember all of them, I remember how they look and each of their distinct traits. I always wanted to see all of them again. I miss bringing them out. The most dogs I bring out together is 7. Can you imagine, someone with 7dogs outside. I miss that feeling where whenever I reach home, really alot alot alot my favourites lil things will run to me, some jumping happily onto me. And here come Baby th trooop leader will lead all of them, Awesome. Sorry I got to give you all away. Did you all forget about me? I never, I never.
I miss her, occassionally. But, it had gradually become a guilty feeling not someone I really miss anymore. There're times I even need to convince myself to call her, M. I miss th way she used to pat me to sleep. I missed th way how I waited for her everyday to reach home. I miss staying in th kitchen just to learn how to cook from her (this is how I know some knowledge about cooking now). I miss how I wake up earlier every morning just to do housechores for her so that she wont be so tired (this is how I learn how to do housechores too). Now, I dont know. All that left is th blood connection only. Maybe one day i will realise, this blood connection is all that matter. Yes one day I know, this is what that matter.
I miss Baby. Whenever I bring nono for a walk, I will really hope, Baby is here too. Because she will act bossy and leads th way. Most of th time, Baby is in her own world. Her world only has food, us and herself. She is always happy. Because all she does is eat shit, play with her lil tail and comes to look for us. She is even softer than a teddy bear. I dont need a teddy bear because Baby is th warmest Teddy bear I can find on earth. Yes, Talking about her makes me cry and Im crying right now. You know, she's th first dog I had. Th first dog that caught my eye. Th first dog that i bathed for, bring a walk for, I carried, I fed, and th first that slept with me. I taught her everything till she's like a replica of th family. She is familiarised with everyone's habit and never failed to touch our heart with silly actions. I watch die. I watch her leave us. Her eyes are open. Dad told me not to look into her eyes. I ignore. Because thats th only thing to make me believe she's gone. If not, I can never accept th truth that she isnt there anymore. Th next moment, when you get home, you realise it's not th same anymore. There isnt someone waiting right at th door for you to get home, and bark cheerfully as if it's her everything to see you again. Th way she fight when she sees a cockroach, and here will I go snatching th cockroach away from her. Yes, even looking at cockroach reminds me of her. There isnt any other dogs like Baby. Never will you come across someone like her, someone who stinks so badly but still you cant not resist th temptation just to give her a very very tight hug. She's just that nice to hug, nice to sleep with. She snores, she dreams, she cried. Just like a little sister. She left too. I miss her, really. I remember how I wanted a dog. One day, a wednesday, I reach home, telling dad I really want a dog, because in english lesson they mention something like a pet. I dont really wanted a pet but I just want to try my luck talking to dad about it. And without any effort, dad drives me to tampinese to get one. So easy. and th first thing she reached home is to pee at th dining table and there forever remains as her peeing area. When I later bought nono and lucky, I still remember her expression when she first see them. She is really irritated like two unknown strangers entered her territory. She observes them from far stalked them to whatever place they step in th house. Such protective dog, hahaha, and she went ignoring us for days and randomly coming to us for attention because we are giving our attention to th two newcomer instead of her. Seriously, dogs are man's best friend. You will never understand what this sentence means until you got yourself a dog. And I'd Baby.
Now I had Nono. She's is rightfully mine because she really listens to no one elses in th family except me. I will treasure th last few years with her. I know, when Nono's gone too, th house will be totally empty. and I see no reason to be home regularly anymore. I had a few precious in my life. Baby and Nono are definitely one of those in th lists. Because they are th one who watch me grow, just like th way I watch them.
Yes there's alot of things I miss. I miss eating DouJiangYouTiao everyday. I miss waking up every morning just to eat M's breakfast. Th reason why i dont eat breakfast anymore it's because she dont cook anymore. And almost everything in my life, I did it for a reason. it's just if I wna acknowledge that reason anot. Thats maybe why im so arguetative. Because I always have a reason for something. One day I ought to realise something that dont need a reason.
I miss Rainn. I dont know who is Rainn. But I just miss her. Maybe I know who is Rainn but I dont wna admit it. Rainn is like my inner self who I named her Rainn. Because she only comes occassionally. and you know, th best time to think is when you've a umbrella with you, walking alone, slowly under th rainn. You can hear how th raindrops tapped on everywhere around you. You're able to see through every Rainn, and behind th Rainn lies a different perspective that you never expect yourself to see. Rainn is a cycle. But after each cycle you gained something in return. Rainn is yourself. Rainn is th reason why we feel. and when th Rainn falls, you feel it more vividly. Hahaha, No one gna understand what im talking except myself. Because it's just a self perspection that no one will agree with. But I know Rainn does.
